SOUL WEALTH CHRONICLES – ISSUE 64
I Am Not Your Emergency Contact
There was a time when I thought being dependable was the highest compliment.
Being the one people called when things fell apart.
Being the calm in chaos.
Being the fixer.
Being the strong one.
I wore it like armor.
Until I realized something.
An emergency contact is only called when something is wrong.
And I am tired of being summoned only when things are broken.
The Training
Strong Black women are raised on endurance.
We are taught to:
• Be twice as good to be seen as equal.
• Be emotionally stable when others are unraveling.
• Be educated, polished, composed.
• Be resilient in rooms that were not built for us.
• Be the backbone of our families and the brilliance in our workplaces.
We are applauded for our strength.
But rarely protected.
We are admired for our capacity.
But often relied on to absorb what others refuse to carry.
Somewhere along the way, strength stopped being a trait.
It became an obligation.
The Cost
Being the emergency contact means:
• You don’t get to fall apart.
• You don’t get to need help.
• You don’t get to say “I’m tired” without being called dramatic.
• You don’t get to make mistakes.
You are the fixer.
The reliable one.
The one who “has it.”
And when you don’t?
People panic.
I have been that woman.
Overqualified.
Over-responsible.
Over-functioning.
Reliable to a fault.
And somewhere along the way, I confused strength with self-sacrifice.
Relationships
I have loved men who wanted to lead but did not know how.
Men who were threatened by my competence but expected my loyalty.
Men who wanted reassurance they were strong while I never felt safe.
Men who mistook dominance for leadership.
I was expected to be powerful in the world
and smaller at home.
That is not partnership.
That is emotional labor disguised as love.
I am no longer volunteering for that role.
Work
In the workplace, the pattern repeats.
Systems rely on us to carry them.
To clean up gaps.
To overperform.
To fix what was never structured properly.
And when we ask for support?
We are told to wait.
Strength becomes extraction.
And I refuse to let my competence be used as infrastructure.
The Shift
I am not rejecting strength.
I am redefining it.
Strength is not silence.
Strength is not endurance without reciprocity.
Strength is not carrying what others refuse to hold.
Strength is choice.
I choose where my energy goes.
I choose who has access to my labor.
I choose when to step in and when to step back.
I am not your crisis manager.
I am not your emotional regulator.
I am not your default stabilizer.
I am not your ride-or-die at the cost of myself.
I am not your emergency contact.
What I Am
I am capable.
I am intelligent.
I am grounded.
I am strong.
But I am also worthy of:
Partnership.
Protection.
Rest.
Reciprocity.
I no longer measure my value by how much I can carry.
Strength without boundaries is exploitation.
And I am finished participating in that exchange.
I am not your emergency contact.
This is not about becoming less.
This is about no longer doing the most for those who give the least.
And that is a different kind of strength.
With grace,
Natalie
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